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How to Spice Up Your Marriage


Like in the movie Groundhog Day,  you hit the snooze button again and again and again, and there, sleeping next to you is the same person, your spouse. And lately, you’re so busy and tired that you’ve felt disconnected from one another. With Cupid making his rounds on Valentine’s Day, how can you get that lovin’ feeling back?

According to Kate Baxter, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Orange County, it helps to first look at why you’re feeling this disconnect with your mate.

In her practice, the most common reasons clients experience a disintegration in their marriage is usually because: 1) A breakdown of communication; 2) Unfair fighting that has built up resentment over time involving character assaults; and 3) One or more partners turn away instead of toward their partner for emotional and/or physical fulfillment.

But, according to Baxter it’s not too late spice up your relationship. She offers some tips in helping bring back that lovin’ feeling with your spouse, including:

1)    Relive That ‘Dating’ Feeling – Every Day
Always pretend you are dating your spouse. No matter what your schedule, plan surprise dates for each other. That builds excitement and intensity. Ask yourself daily: “What would I do if we were just dating, and I wanted to impress him or her for a special night?”

2)    Be Bold and Sexy
Arrange to have a hotel room key slipped into your hubby or wife’s lunch/briefcase, etc. and you do the rest. Be bold and visit a sexy store together and find something fun to try.

3)    Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
When you were first dating you had few inhibitions, insecurities and responsibilities – now that is sexy. Spouses need to get out of their comfort zone. Often one partner is wanting to do many things in the bedroom, for example, but one is afraid of the other’s reaction.

Baxter’s final piece of advice: “The key is communicating each other’s needs and meeting them with surprise and confidence.”

Further reading:

Why people choose to get married.

If you and your love are about to tie the knot, read on for tips on how to create a Memorable Playlist for Your Wedding

Read about research findings on marriage.

Kristal Zacharias is the mother of two beautiful, vivacious girls, and wife of a hunky husband who works in the action sports industry. For the past 15 years, Kristal has worked for several Fortune 500 companies as a professional communicator. Follow her journey at Clearly Kristal or on Facebook and Twitter.
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