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The Realities of Being a Single Father

Separating from your partner is never easy. It could be as amicable as possible, and yet there will be feelings of guilt for not doing enough, resentment for wasted time, or the stress of divorce proceedings. Add on the stress salad that is children, and you’ll have a lot to keep your mind busy, to say the least.

Fostering Emotional Intelligence

There is a lot of talk around being a single mother, and always has been, but not nearly enough conversation about what it means to be a single father. It’s a title no one sets out to have, but if that is the reality of the situation for you, then you might as well know what you’re in for. Take a look at the aspects of being a single father that get overlooked.

You will need to think about the legalities

You might be in the early days of being a single father when you are reading this. Maybe you’ve just decided civilly, as in between the two of you, that the kids are staying with you and your partner is moving out.

It’s time to go looking for a lawyer. Don’t assume everything will work out for itself. As much as you know your partner, you don’t know how they will react in this situation. There is far too many utterances of “I don’t know what I ever saw in them” due to surprising behaviour during a break up, yours won’t be any different. Lawyer up.

You need someone who can represent you in matters concerning custody, living arrangements, holidays, child support and more, without it turning into a hostile environment. There is always a risk of that, no matter how you ended things, and it’s not something you want your kids to witness.

A lawyer can do the hard work of negotiating your deal, presenting it to a judge if it comes to that, and working out the best deal for you and your children. If you’re looking for a divorce lawyer for men, click this link.

Your ex will always be in your life

Even if you have everything ironed out, it will take some time to realize that you can never really get your partner out of your life. They are a part of your children’s life and if you want to be a part of theirs, that means running into her a lot.

This can be as civil as possible, or downright friendly, it all depends. On how it ended, how you’re feeling now, what attitude you approach it with, etc. No one would blame you if you had to keep contact to a minimum and no one would blame you if were working towards a better relationship. But the first step to either is to accept that they will always be there. Every day will bring some new interaction, like reminding you to grab the sports kit to asking for an extra day with the kids.

You will need to establish boundaries

One thing that you should do early is establish some boundaries. Again, this is unique to you and depends on the relationship you’re going for. If your partner is likely to cross boundaries, you will need to start strict and early. Tell them they cannot appear unannounced, if they need anything they can text, phone calls are only for emergencies, etc.

If you find these boundaries constantly crossed, consult your lawyer about it. Domestic abuse is a two-way street, and if they are showing up without permission or exhibiting controlling behaviour, you should talk to someone about it, even the police.

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